Insecure
by AShipperWithNoLife
Summary: [RusAme] Alfred was obsessed with Ivan the moment he laid his eyes on him. Yet he can never obtain the bravery to hold a decent conversation with him. At first, it seems to be no big deal, but as time passes by, he begins to regret not speaking to him.


When Alfred had first made eye contact with those lovely, amethyst eyes, he could immediately tell that the Russian exchange student was going to be the most beautiful person he ever saw. Where else would he be able to find a set of deep purple eyes; outlined with dark blonde eyelashes that were the perfect length for the Russian's eyes (not too short, not too long). His eyelashes and eyebrows were still visible, despite him having light hair, but bright enough in color to spark interest and make him look natural with his pale, ashen blonde hair. His skin was nearly a shade of white, but that was no surprise for Alfred. All it did was add proof to the fact that this beautiful man had not altered his appearance; not even by doing something as small as dyeing his hair a shade lighter.

Despite the Russian being quite shy (that wasn't what others thought, but Alfred could overlook his tall figure and seemingly intimidating smile), it hadn't taken him too long to keep it in his memory that the exchange student's name was Ivan. Though the name wasn't pronounced the same way Alfred was used to hearing it be pronounced. Even if he did find the pronunciation to be awkward, he was still willing to go with it. It would be best to be open-minded towards the new student's name, he figured, as judging it or pronouncing it differently was only going to offend Ivan, and possibly make the Russian never want to speak to him. Which was obviously not something that Alfred wanted. It wasn't that he was in love, or anything, he just found the new student to be interesting.

Alfred wanted to observe the Russian as much as possible, but there was one problem with that. He didn't have the guts to walk within a five root radius of Ivan if he didn't have to. It was almost as if his new obsession had an invisible force field surrounding him that made anyone around him have the sudden urge to run away as far as possible. He would try to resist the urge, but at least he was sure that if he never resisted as much as he did, he would've literally ran away from Ivan rather than just slowly inch away. It wasn't easy sitting next to the Russian during Algebra three either (his teacher had coincidentally made it so that they had to sit next to each other for until senior year ended for the two of them). He would nearly flinch every time Ivan dared to glance at him, yet by the time October rolled around, a pleasant warmth replaced the queasiness of anxiety in his stomach.

Even if Alfred did feel more comfortable being around Ivan in class, he still never had the bravery to approach him during lunch; a time where the poor Russian would sit alone and bored at a table. He wanted to accompany the lonely Russian. No one deserved to feel so lonely or become so bored during a time that was meant for socializing and having fun. Yet even as the months flew by, Alfred had still not gone through with providing Ivan with the company he needed and deserved. All because he was afraid of rejection.

Month after month ticked by, and all the Russian did was look more and more miserable as time passed by. Alfred was beginning to regret hardly uttering a word to him. He knew that it was possible that the way to cure Ivan of his loneliness that was so obvious to him was by simply being his friend, but instead of going through with helping the poor Russian, he continued to avoid him.

It was May when Alfred finally gathered the courage to speak to Ivan, but by then the Russian seemed to go from cheery yet shy, to having a disturbing emptiness to his purple eyes. The husk that he had trouble recognizing, who happened to be named Ivan, and looked exactly like the foreign exchange student was the only think that he could think about as he walked through the lobby and out the door. He had been one of the few to stay at his club meeting until five-fifteen in the evening, and the building seemed to be deserted by the time he finally decided it was time to go home. Why wouldn't he try to stay as long as possible for the meeting though? It was the last one he'd ever have that year, thanks to exams and the fact that seniors had to take them in the middle of May so that they could graduate before June. He wasn't opposed to the thought of a longer summer vacation before college, though.

When he walked out the door to the front of the high school, he was shocked to find Ivan standing there and staring. Curious as to why the Russian was doing this, Alfred glimpsed over to what he was staring at to find a couple of clearly fake sunflowers (he wasn't close enough to tell what they were made of), perched in the grass, obviously for decoration. Though he was sort of surprised that he hadn't even noticed the fake sunflowers until he caught his love interest staring at them, it wasn't his main concern at the moment. Instead, he wanted to know why Ivan was doing what he was doing, "How long have you been standing out here, and why are you just standing there and staring?"

"Fifteen minute, maybe?" there was a moment of silence before Ivan continued, "I'm just thinking about things, that's all. I sort of wish those sunflowers were real. They'd be much prettier if they were, da?"

"I guess so," Alfred answered, trying to hide the fact that he found the last question a bit awkward, as he didn't understand how anyone could be so interested in a simple decoration, "So what are you thinking about? Are you worried about the exams or something?"

Yet again, there was another long silence before Ivan spoke again, and this time, Alfred couldn't help but feel as if he was being interrogated, "How come you never wanted to talk to me until now?"

"Wh-what? Oh, well... you never really attempted to try and start a conversation with me, so-"

"Yes I have. Don't you remember? I would always say hi to you and try to get you interested in conversing with me, but you would always either ignore me or give me a one word response before running off. It was almost as if you didn't want anything to do with me. Even though you were the only one who didn't look terrified at the thought of being in my presence. Why?"

Panic flooded through Alfred's chest when he noticed tears form in Ivan's eyes. For a moment, he couldn't think of what to say, before he finally assured in a voice full of uncertainty, "Hey, please don't cry! I didn't mean to make if seem as if I hated you..."

Ivan didn't reply, and Alfred wasn't sure whether or not this was because he was too upset to, or didn't know how. He continued to try and explain himself anyways, "Ivan, I'm being serious. This is all just a huge misunderstanding. I w-was just too nervous to approach you. I thought that you were better than me and that you were aware of that, and that you wouldn't want anything to do with me. I know that I probably didn't look nervous, and sometimes when we were completely silent in math, I didn't feel anxious in your presence at all, but this all really was me just being too scared to talk to you! Even though it occurred to me multiple times that you were lonely! It was so stupid of me to never suck up all of my nervousness and just have a conversation with you. I'm so sorry for making you feel miserable..."

Before Alfred had any time to react, he was pulled into a tight embrace. He felt a tear drip onto his shoulder while he was being held, but didn't care in the slightest, as he was now overwhelmed with euphoria. Alfred wrapped his arms around the Russian in order to return the affection, and couldn't help but go feint with glee when he heard Ivan say, "Thanks, for at least caring."

"You're welcome," Alfred replied with a smile, though the Russian couldn't see it. They stayed that way for a long moment; neither of them having to worry about being stared at, as Alfred was sure that no one had decided to leave the building the same way he did when the club meeting ended. When they finally broke off the hug, Alfred looked at Ivan's face once more, to find that the Russian was now smile, but it wasn't the creepy smile he would give someone if he thought they were talking about him behind his back. It was one of pure glee and appreciation. It was real, and Alfred had been the one to finally make it appear. No longer did his insecurities exist around Ivan. How could he feel insecure around the one he was able to bring happiness to?

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, so this is just something I decided to write about as soon as I thought of it. I know that it's probably not the most interesting thing I've ever wrote about, but I just felt like writing it. I'll try to make next week's one-shot more interesting.**


End file.
